Life wasn’t about passion, or at least, in my life it wasn’t. It was simple, we didn’t have cell phones back then. The internet hadn’t arrived until a few years later. I miss those times, but I didn’t really have a passion for anything that I noticed. I loved dinosaurs as a little girl. After watching Land Before Time, I played with my dinos like they were in the movie. They would cry out, “earthshake.” Sure, I loved dinosaurs, I liked a lot of things. As a child, the first thing I wanted to be was a surgeon. Crazy, I know. That’s because I enjoyed science, and especially biology. I found it fascinating. But did I become a surgeon? No, I didn’t. I didn’t claim a true passion for anything, even though there were options.
When I grew up, I didn’t feel like an adult. I didn’t feel mature. I played around with the ideas of pursuing something in college. I never did. Part of me was too terrified to attend a real college. I was nervous about being alone and around people I didn’t know. So, I didn’t do anything. I did take a course in web design, but that wasn’t my passion. I think as we’re younger, we’re kindly suggested or pushed into college right after graduation. Do I regret that? Some of me does. I wish I had pursued something. It did save me money in the long run, but honestly, I did want to attend college. I just didn’t have the guts. The world kind of makes it like a profession is all that defines us. We should be a doctor or something else important. While there is nothing wrong with this, it can put us in a box.
I was struggling to get out of the box I had put myself in. I wanted to be important. I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives, but I had no idea how. So many avenues to explore. I had many various interests and passions. It was all too much. I was just overly overwhelmed and anxious. I also didn’t want to spend money on a choice I would later regret. Guess what? I did nothing. In my mind, I wanted to attend college, because it was the smart thing to do. I hoped to expand my knowledge. The allure of learning had tempted me to go for it. I had this image in my head of going to college meant you were smarter. It doesn’t always lean that way. So, I had romanticized academics. In the end, I didn’t go to college. I found myself working multiple sales jobs – which was fine, but it wasn’t my passion. What even was my passion? What was I looking for?
There are those that discovered their passions at an early age. They knew exactly what they had been called to do. The path for them was an easy choice. It seemed like most people knew exactly what they wanted. I had no clue. What do I say if someone asks me what my passion was? I couldn’t pinpoint what that was. While I watched friends pursue a profession of their choice, I struggled with my future. But I think our passions can take on different roads. We can revisit old interests and pursue them when we’re older. Often that happens. We can also discover a new passion or even have more than one that we love. I’ve found that to be true for my life. And I found one that I could pursue.
Writing has become a passion, but it started when I was kid. I loved to write my own little books with stories I had created. I wrote some fantastical ones, but I didn’t see myself being an author. For some reason, it just wasn’t a choice. I had kind of locked that away in the back of my mind, even though I enjoyed creating them. I used to take paper, cut it up, and staple it together. Then, I would include my own drawings and a story. I tried selling them to family members. I still have a couple of them packed away. I occasionally pull them out and look them over. It often brings a joyous smile to my face.
I struggled in grammar as a child. I didn’t know or really care about the subject. I loved to read books, that wasn’t a problem. But when it came to writing, I didn’t know what I was doing. I got horrible grades. You would think I would be at least good, but I wasn’t even that. To be honest, my writing was poor. In fact, my writing wouldn’t improve until I was much older. I forced myself to learn the craft. I wanted to write well, so I took on book reviews and album reviews – which improved it. I was proud of myself for the writing I did. I also had a couple of blogs during my young adult years. I finally was slowly liking writing. I even dabbled in poetry. It inspired me to attempt a few book ideas, but none of them were serious. It wouldn’t be until I was in my late 20’s that would change everything.
During my 20’s, I began a fiction book that is still in the works. I plan to finish it this year. But I did write my first book, Butterfly Wings – which is a devotional with poems. I’m so proud of myself for sticking through with it, especially because of my past. This is proof that you can practice and improve in writing. I do agree that some have an innate talent from the get-go. I didn’t, so I had to work hard at it. I still feel like I’m an amateur at it, and I think I’ll always feel that way (it won’t matter how improved I become). School from the past will remind me of my shortcomings, but for the time being, I’m working hard. I’m certain I’ll never become an expert, but my tenacity will be strong in writing. I have many books I wish to finish, so I’m not giving up. For the time being, my passion has become writing, and photography, as well. Both together. Evenly loved.
My passion for the future is to have a few books under my belt. I just hope my passion is in line with encouraging and inspiring other people. Like I mentioned earlier, I just wanted to make a difference as a kid, and I plan to do that by writing books now. Sometimes I ignore my writing and become discouraged. These days are hard. Even if it doesn’t reach a lot of readers, I wish to reach at least one. Only then would my writing be worthwhile. Of course, I also enjoy writing, so I’ll probably keep at it for a couple of years.
But I think the deep
part of my heart still wants my writing to impact someone for the good. I’ll
never be well-known, but I pray that Jesus would become well-known through it.
That is my goal, along with reaching people because of it. My biggest passion
is bringing God glory. I said that I didn’t know what to do with my life, but I
discovered that you could bring God glory through what you do. I didn’t become
a surgeon or a paleontologist, but that’s okay. I’ve come to peace with it. It
wasn’t meant for me, and I humbly believe that writing in some magical way
became my purpose. Wait. Not magical but predestined.
I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from the book I'm writing. If you'd like to read my other book, Butterfly Wings, you can get a copy on Amazon here or at the bookstore ...And Books, Too! (andbookstooonline.com) Thank you so much!
Many blessings,
- Grace Thorson
No comments:
Post a Comment